My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
