You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
