The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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