I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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