Texts From Last Night

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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out

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  (306): Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out http://tfl.nu/kvs3
  Replies (5) Good night (649) Bad night (780)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  I have two black x marks on my hands.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'

  (971): View more from Oregon

  damnit I wish I could remember that.

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  (971): I have two black x marks on my hands. (503): Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here' (971): damnit I wish I could remember that. http://tfl.nu/kz4a
  Replies (58) Good night (26814) Bad night (1375)
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  (415): View more from California

  How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?

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  (415): How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control? http://tfl.nu/y9i1
  Replies (27) Good night (1553) Bad night (3626)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?

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  (740): he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine? http://tfl.nu/es01
  Replies (42) Good night (1174) Bad night (4062)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.

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  (920): i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel. http://tfl.nu/bqxg
  Replies (26) Good night (12932) Bad night (1210)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.

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  (519): and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover. http://tfl.nu/uo1b
  Replies (9) Good night (6637) Bad night (1487)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are

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  (816): I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are http://tfl.nu/18r6
  Replies (4) Good night (1077) Bad night (1619)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day

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  (414): Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day http://tfl.nu/nn34
  Replies (3) Good night (4852) Bad night (866)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here

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  (757): I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here http://tfl.nu/86vy
  Replies (4) Good night (1874) Bad night (718)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again

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  (571): you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again http://tfl.nu/ac3x
  Replies (5) Good night (3087) Bad night (1109)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.

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  (480): This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love. http://tfl.nu/h8jg
  Replies (9) Good night (1317) Bad night (1667)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.

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  (812): You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard. http://tfl.nu/0j3h
  Replies (9) Good night (1364) Bad night (478)
• Favorite

  (386): View more from Florida

  I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over

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  (386): I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over http://tfl.nu/gegy
  Replies (3) Good night (950) Bad night (304)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat

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  (814): If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat http://tfl.nu/6lrq
  Replies (5) Good night (841) Bad night (196)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?

  (208): View more from Idaho

  You need southern Jesus

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  (360): Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up? (208): You need southern Jesus http://tfl.nu/52rp
  Replies (2) Good night (783) Bad night (260)

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