i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
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passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
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Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.