Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

Favorite
(201): View more from New Jersey

and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(201): and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate. http://tfl.nu/09wt

Replies (34) Good night (3884) Bad night (710)
Favorite
(206): View more from Washington

you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(206): you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing." http://tfl.nu/7ght

Replies (16) Good night (5831) Bad night (1122)
Favorite
(541): View more from Oregon

I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(541): I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore http://tfl.nu/6v6s

Replies (10) Good night (4951) Bad night (695)
Favorite
(913): View more from Kansas

"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(913): "Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had. http://tfl.nu/szr3

Replies (61) Good night (1090) Bad night (11096)
Favorite
(317): View more from Indiana

The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(317): The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints. http://tfl.nu/xoq4

Replies (6) Good night (1046) Bad night (4857)
Favorite
(608): View more from Wisconsin

I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(608): I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs. http://tfl.nu/xx6g

Replies (39) Good night (5415) Bad night (1422)
Favorite
(+35): View more from

I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(+35): I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH. http://tfl.nu/jeai

Replies (7) Good night (2430) Bad night (874)
Favorite
(615): View more from Tennessee

Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(615): Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift. http://tfl.nu/yqhq

Replies (8) Good night (2478) Bad night (1073)
Favorite
(519): View more from Ontario

That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(519): That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded http://tfl.nu/gpq0

Replies (3) Good night (1962) Bad night (595)
Favorite
(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on

(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(610): Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on (484): Who said I was judging? More like congratulating. http://tfl.nu/coiy

Replies (10) Good night (2333) Bad night (740)
Favorite
(603): View more from New Hampshire

and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(603): and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks. http://tfl.nu/aapi

Replies (10) Good night (1125) Bad night (544)
Favorite
(615): View more from Tennessee

I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(615): I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it? http://tfl.nu/iois

Replies (5) Good night (766) Bad night (461)
Favorite
(519): View more from Ontario

University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(519): University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue." http://tfl.nu/irh4

Replies (0) Good night (947) Bad night (404)
Favorite
(425): View more from Washington

I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(425): I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed http://tfl.nu/xp1l

Replies (1) Good night (649) Bad night (316)
Favorite
(312): View more from Illinois

At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard
(312): At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific. http://tfl.nu/evej

Replies (1) Good night (605) Bad night (373)

Randomize

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard