Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
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what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
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Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Woke up backwards on a recliner
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed