Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear

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(201): View more from New Jersey

At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."

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(240): View more from Maryland

At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka

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(512): View more from Texas

just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.

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25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Read it at the TFLN blog
(716): View more from New York

u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.

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(515): View more from Iowa

I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?

(1-515): View more from Iowa

Eco-friendly.

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.

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(339): View more from Massachusetts

My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"

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