You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?