That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
someone owes me an orgasm
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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