She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
