when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
