i think my tv is drunk
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
