it was like his penis was on wheels.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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