I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).