Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
