Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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