do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
