i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
