Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
