I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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