her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
All I want is dick and wine.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
