she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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