Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
