She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Randomize
