I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize