I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Randomize
