I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
