if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
