I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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