theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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