I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
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You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
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struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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