and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I think people are normalizing furries
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
