so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
