My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
