something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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