what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
