Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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