i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
