I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
