we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
