Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Drake has all the answers
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