So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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