So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
