you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Randomize
