weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
