i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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