Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
