just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
