I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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