You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I could make wine with my vomit
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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