I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
