ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
