Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
