when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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