Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
