My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
