Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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