You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I am available for nakedness
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
