sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
