I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
