Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
