for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
