Sponge bath it is.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
