This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
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