Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
