dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
