All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
