Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
