walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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