hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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