You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
