As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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