I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
