I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
