im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
