Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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