plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
