you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
