Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
