Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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