You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
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i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
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It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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