So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Drunk is not a location!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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